Slight detour

Today I was planning to get into a little background on myself, but it turns out today isn’t about me. I figured I need to be flexible and go where I’m led sometimes.

My mother, as mentioned yesterday, was diagnosed recently–two weeks ago tomorrow–with terminal cancer. Today I, along with several other family members, received an email from my dad that detailed what they learned in their first visit with the oncologist, and what they’re planning to do in light of that info. The news, I think, was a little harsher than they were expecting. Mama will begin to decline pretty rapidly (in fact, I’ve already noticed I can see changes in her basically every time I see her); she’ll experience a marked increase in pain in as soon as a month, but most certainly within the next six months. Radiation is not an option, and while chemotherapy can help lessen or delay some of the pain, it would also weaken her further and would likely make her very sick, so she has opted not to have it. She asked about taking a trip to visit her son, grandkids and great grandkids, along with her one remaining uncle and aunt who live nearby, and was advised to go as soon as possible.

As I said, today isn’t about me. But as we humans are wont to do, I have been struggling all evening against the tendency to make it so. I asked Mama on the phone today if she and Daddy would want me to look into getting time off from work to make the trip with them, and she, in her usual loving and tactful way, said she thought it would be best if they went alone. She said she’d have plenty of time with me when they return. Now, while that makes perfect sense, because there will be a lot of family up there (and I’d be one less person demanding her attention), I’m a bit sad/hurt at the thought of being left out of their last visit with my brother. I’m doing that mantra over and over in my head, though: “It’s not all about you, it’s about her right now,” and that helps.


3 thoughts on “Slight detour

  1. I am so glad I found your blog! My mom, too, was just diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (4.25.14) and you know, I’m sure, all too well the range of emotions. A side note: I, too, am a huge advocate for equal rights, and it makes me all fuzzy to see someone like you fighting for your daughter. Much love and light to you and your family as you face all these challenges.

    • Thank you, thank you, so much! Yes, the emotions are all over the place. Mostly I am blown away by how beautifully Mama is dealing with everything. I will definitely be thinking of you and your mother, and hope the days to come will be all you can make them. As crushingly heartbreaking as it is, there is also something beautiful in the way we’re relating to each other now. We’ve always been close, but now I feel even closer; maybe we’re trying to squeeze as much love and reassurance as we can into the time we have left.

      Thank you, too, for your advocacy. What a wonderful start to my day! I am uplifted by your kind and thoughtful remarks–thank you again, my very best to you and your family, too!

      • Omgosh, my mom is handling it beautifully, too. We were at the cancer center yesterday, and they asked her to rank her stress on a level of 1-10. She said a 4! I’m like 4??!!! I’ve got a 4 level of stress in my little pinky alone! haha

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